We are all familiar with the divorce rate statistics for first marriages. For second marriages the divorce rate statistics get to about 73% and for third marriages and beyond, the divorce rate statistics go up to 90%.
Why is that?
There are 3 Reasons marriages are on thin ice in the first place that are the leading causes of divorce.
1. Lack of commitment
Lack of commitment can be anything to lack of commitment to the marriage, to the spouse, the family, to themselves, to their own growth, and allow the most important aspect which I call Radical Commitment to go by the wayside. What once had a foundation based on commitment becomes a partnership with cracks in it leading to lies, betrayal, conflict, lack of intimacy, and ultimately divorce.
2. Lack of Communication Skills
I know, these were not taught in school and poor communication is deadly to a marriage. Without the skills, poor communication leads to secrets, constant arguments, name calling, yelling, swearing at each other, judgments, callousness, misunderstandings, assumptions, and ultimately becomes a living hell in the household.
3. Infidelity
Yup, you knew this one was up there. While infidelity happens more often with men, women cheat, too. There are many reasons that people go outside of the marriage thinking it will have them ‘feel better’. The reasons range from poor communication, lack of intimacy, lack of commitment, fear, ego, to deeply unhealed wounds within self, lack of attention, affection, toxic energy and is generally a deal breaker for most people. The common thought is that men are not capable of saying no to other women. Men do have a part of their brain that allows them to make a choice. With men and women, infidelity doesn’t “just happen” it is a conscious choice that will destroy a marriage.
How do you remedy these issues? Hire an expert and learn to be mindful, conscious, proactive. Learn the communication skills you need, be open with each other, commit to your partner and marriage EVERY DAY, learn how to weather life’s storms, and talk about issues to resolve them before you choose to have an affair. Cheating doesn’t remedy anything and takes a very long time to heal from if a couple chooses to do so. Thee say “one a cheater, always a cheater “, and there is truth to that unless someone works to heal what had them choose to do so in the first place.
If you want your marriage to be one of commitment, trust, conscious communication and fidelity, then you need to learn the skills and tools you need so your marriage is unbreakable.