We all have a story of what relationship and marriage is supposed to look like, feel like, and be like. We get programmed with the Once Upon A Time, Happily Ever After stories where no one seems to have any conflict, at least, we didn’t always see what happily ever after really entailed.
The thing is, most of us bought into the concept of the Marital Fantasy Island Fairy Tale. We heard of the white picket fence, the nice house, the cars, the 2.5 kids, the doting husband, and believed that these things would just happen because we read about it, or saw it on TV. Fairy Tales don’t talk about the newborn up screaming at night, dishes that need to be done, bills that need to be paid, and nights feeling “too bushed to boogie”.
As we get older the expectation is often high, even if your self- esteem is low. I have worked with so many women who expected that man who provided financially, was always loving, attentive, affectionate, a good communicator who would woo them until the end of time.
Reality Island looks different than the Fairy Tale, but isn’t as enticing. Reality Island looks like, struggling to get attention, having to do all the household work, being in debt, horror stories about men cheating, lying, yelling, and marriages that just don’t work. Reality Island looks like the divorce rate statistics and who in the world wants to take THAT Risk?
So there is the dilemma. We have the myth of the Fantasy Island Fairy Tale vs. The Reality Island that looks like a bad reality show on TV.
What if there was a 3rd option that has pieces of the fantasy and pieces of the reality that can blend together in harmony? What if the partnership you are in has the magic love dust, affection, great intimacy and communication as well as chores, bills, and issues to sort through? I will call it Conscious Love Island because it bridges the two. On Conscious Love Island, two people are highly aware, work on themselves, take personal ownership of their words, judgments, triggers, and behaviors. On Conscious Love Island, both partners have great relationship skills, can work though issues, and find common ground that is a ‘win’ for all. On Conscious Love Island there is snuggling, affection, vulnerability, passion, intimacy, and friendship. If your partnership is all lovey-dovey, all about the physical intimacy with no conflict, or emotional connection, something is being swept under the rug and will blow up later. If your partnership is filled with more anger, resentment, yelling, and frustration, it is off balance as well.
Living on Conscious Love Island is where you want to be and if you are not there, that is the time to get support, hire a trained coach ,and find the balance.
Susan Ortolano – Relationship Coach
Want more? Check out my other love notes, attend a free training for single women, or contact me, Susan Ortolano, today!