It is cliché’ to say that good communication is one of the key ingredients for a conscious, healthy relationship, but it is actually true. Notice how your communication is in your partnership.
Are you using the word “you” to start a sentence when it’s not a compliment? Are you using the terms ‘always’ and ‘never when you try to make a point? Are you making it about your partner and not owning your part?
These are examples of ineffective, even damaging communication.
The You before a sentence is generally about blame “You did this, You didn’t do that”.
Always and never are generally not accurate statements and no one has an excel spreadsheet. Sure there are things your partner may never have done, but when it is used in a bam context, it causes damages.
If you think you don’t have a part to own during a conflict, try again. Everyone is responsible for their ide of the street and acting as if you don’t have a part outside of some extreme abuse circumstances is damaging as well.
What are 3 keys to creating conscious communication that honors both partners and creates more understanding, harmony, and flow in a Partnership?
- Start your sentence with “I”. “ I feel that ______, I have notice that you _______. That is taking ownership for your point of view and not playing the blame game.
- Be Accurate- Instead of “always” or “never”, try frequently, on occasion, or sometimes. Let’s face it, if you’re a woman you can say to your male partner “You have never birthed a baby”… but most of the time, unless you keep an Excel Spreadsheet, the “always “ and “never” are simply inaccurate and will fan the flames of conflict because your partner will get defensive.
These are just 3 keys to learning the art of conscious communication. If you work on these 3, you will notice less conflict and more resolution.
Susan Ortolano – Relationship Coach
Want more? Check out my other love notes, attend a free training for single women, or contact me, Susan Ortolano, today!